What am I doing with my life?
This blog post is for those of you who feel behind, who look at your feeds and wonder why everyone has their life figured out but you. I’ve heard this in session countless times. And I’ve experienced it myself.
In fact, since age 22, I’ve been wandering and searching. I worked as a research assistant at a university, I worked in corporate retail, I worked at a healthcare startup, and I worked in management consulting. In addition to those four jobs in three different cities, I took post-baccalaureate classes to apply to medical school and sought out a tutor to prepare for the GMAT.
I studied. I worked. Nothing clicked. I was confused and convinced myself I was a failure.
When I was 30, I moved from my swanky city apartment on the East coast to my parents’ new home in Dallas, never having been to Texas except once for a bachelorette party in Austin. I was embarrassed to move in with my mom and dad. I compared myself to friends who were moving up the ladder in jobs they’d secured since college graduation. I was lost—geographically and existentially!
Fast forward. As of today, May 14, 2024, at the age of 35, the Texas Behavioral Health Executive Council has officially deemed me a Licensed Professional Counselor. So what happened?
Reflecting back, I really think I had to experience all those jobs and exhaust all my options to finally get to being a therapist. It’s almost like I had to sample what people were telling me were good options, then not like them, to decide what I wanted for myself. I actually didn’t care that much about making boatloads of money. I didn’t want to do a PhD. I didn’t care to attend the #1 program. I just wanted to have work-life balance and feel connected to my work.
At the core, I think I wanted to be “good” all those years. It was people-pleasing (and parent-pleasing) at its finest. But once I discarded this mindset—seemingly by force—and did what came naturally, it was a pleasant and enjoyable experience. I applied to a master’s program in Counseling. I studied for 2 to 3 years. I trained for two more. And it happened. I had a job that I liked. It checked off my boxes because those boxes were my own. I didn’t inherit them. I didn’t listen to my peers. I formed them based on my own values.
If you are reading this and find yourself in a similar situation to 22-year-old Jackie, I want to tell you that it’s ok to not know. It really is. If you’re in your twenties pressuring yourself (or if you find yourself later in life pondering a career change), hear me loud and clear: your route doesn’t have to be traditional to be right. Maybe there’s something deeper going on that needs to happen first. Are you looking for a job or are you looking for yourself?
